Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
