This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
