This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
