just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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