If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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