Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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