the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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