if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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