Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
