they need to just BURY HIM!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
