So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
