I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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