I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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