Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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