My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
