I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
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