This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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