Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
