If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
