no, he came in my armpit
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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