i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
