Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
