I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
