yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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