Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
