Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
my liver is dry heaving
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
