I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
