im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
