let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
