She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
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