Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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