I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
