Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
