You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
