I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize