We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Randomize
