he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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