dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
