I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
