I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
