if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The convent might be a nice break from real life
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
