DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize