if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
