Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
