you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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