Im at strip club and am horny
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
