I need to stop coming to work sober
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
