you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
