i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
