he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
