This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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