There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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