Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
