Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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