sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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