Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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