i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
