Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
