Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize