so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
