Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
