I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize