I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
