she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
