He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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