Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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