So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
