I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
