Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize