the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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