im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
