i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My vagina is very pro this idea
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