I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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