Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
