too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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