Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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