she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
