everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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