So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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