Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
