He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
