I just saw a hot homeless man
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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