come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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