he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
