I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
