Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
