Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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