you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
