oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
