I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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