My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
