I wanna passion pit in your ass
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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