Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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