when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize