Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Lo siento on account of my penis...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
