my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just found puke in my bra..
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
