How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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