last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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