I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
