whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
