I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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