just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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