She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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