spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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