i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The best walk of shames are on the highway
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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