$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
