Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
