ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
