my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
