sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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