I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
