dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
