So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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