i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize