i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
